Horror Review - The Collector (2009)

 

 

Okay, so it's about time I get back to my roots, I realised that I haven't really been reviewing horror movies on here and I don't really know why. I guess I just haven't felt the urge and I've been reviewing newer stuff for the most part and I don't get inspired to write reviews about many recent horror flicks.

 

The collector has inspired me to write one though, but I don't really know if that's a good thing or not. I'd say not. Here's why.

 

The Collector, co-written and directed by Marcus Dunstan, a guy who's previous screenwriting has come in the shape of sequels to Saw, is a movie presented in much the same way that those films were. I'd go deep into it's plot and the characters but that whole area is very shallow, so it would be like trying to deep fry some breaded fish in a dry frying pan. The story is basic and "samey", following a desperate thief as he attempts to steal from a family he's worked for and get's caught in a house filled with traps being set by a masked guy with a penchant for bear traps and fish hooks.

 

Okay, so I'm okay with the shallow plot and the fact that I couldn't give a shiny pile of dog crap about any of the characters. I can let that pass, because, as a horror fan I understand that looking for depth in many of our genres releases is like trying to find intelligent dialogue in a Wayans brothers film. So, I overlooked that and waited for a cool series of interesting and complex traps and tricks from the unnamed assassin who looked like a long lost member of Slipknot. This is where the film fell flat on it's face for me. The traps weren't interesting and you'd have to be a bloody idiot not to see a chandelier of machetes hanging over your head, wouldn't you? The gaping holes in the story as well as the fact that noone seems to react natuarally to the fact that there are plenty of chances to get out of the house and/or kick the shit out of Joey Jordison when he has his back turned.

 

There's a room of fish hooks that do little damage to the protagomist (who's a thief, nice). There's a room of green sludgy acid, like something from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" which again does little harm to the guy stepping in it. Wow, nice traps antagonist-in-silly-mask, they're really doing their job. *insert confused face*

 

Speaking of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", Judge Doom is a much scarier villain than the lip-licking tosspot in this film, I'm sorry but there is nothing scary about a guy who's nine-hundred traps and weapons aren't doing more than leaving a couple of scratches on the fella who encounters them. So, okay, there's a plot going on with the family of the house too, who are being tortured by Corey Taylor in the basement, but that's boring and adds no sort of tension to the movie. The thief realises that there's a kid in the house and he tries to save her, which is fine, at least there's a little bit of reason to want the guy to escape now. This leads to a series of "Baby's Day Out" like close-encounters with sharp things.

 

I won't spoil the ending, the director will do that for you instead. This film left a bad taste in my mouth and confirmed my feelings on most of what comes through the gory train station of horror nowadays. It's all very usual and uninspired, and if it isn't a remake then it's the sort of tedious dumb-fuckery like this that might as well have been done a million times before. I'm not saying that I don't like any horror films that come out in the modern day. Spain, France and Asia have some swell little movies to be found, and I even liked a couple of recent remakes like "Evil Dead" but it's a shame that there is so little originality in a genre that can literally be as "out there" and bizarre as any other genre in the landscape of film. Come on, someone do something new!! It's surely not that hard.

 

I don't have many good points to make about this flick. It bored the pants off me, it made me sad that I'd chosen to waste time on it and it made me question the minds of the people who recommended it to me. Ha, I kid. Kind of.

 

Still, watch it if you fancy yourself a second-rate Saw knock-off, or prequel, or something. I don't know how it fits, or if it fits into the Saw franchise, I don't actually care either.

 

2 large bear traps soaked in viscera out of 10.